The shift has been subtle, but small shifts have been happening for some time. Maybe it started when the first child started driving and there was one less carpool to drive; I’m not quite sure.
Of course, each age and stage of motherhood causes you to adapt – you adapt the level of your care, you adapt your discipline, you adapt to the unique needs of each child and you adapt as your children start developing their own sense of independence. Well, my oldest child graduated from high school a year ago and chose to spend a gap year at home studying ballet privately to prepare himself for a career as a professional ballet dancer. It was a blessing to have him home for an extra year, and it was a challenge living under the same roof with someone who is trying to develop his own independence yet still living within the boundaries of our home. I could tell things were beginning to change, but this still felt like just another adaptation.
My second child started driving after Christmas this past year and now things were really changing in a noticeable way. As any mother of three busy children can tell you, you spend the majority of your time in the car – to school, from school, to activities, from activities. Someone always needs to be dropped off and someone needs to be picked up. The skillful scheduling it sometimes takes to coordinate the schedules would impress even a veteran air traffic controller. At first, it was such a relief to have a break from the taxi/Uber service I had been running for the last few years – getting only one child where she needed to be was a breeze in comparison. Then one day, it hit me. The role that has defined me most significantly for the last 19 years is changing….rapidly….and I don’t think I have adequately prepared for what’s next.
Throughout my entire adult life, I have defined myself by my 3 primary roles: mother, wife, and working professional. Those three roles have completely filled my waking hours (and sleeping hours) for the last 20+ years, with motherhood being the most significant of the three. Now, as my three children are all becoming teenagers and young adults, what they need from me as a mother is evolving, and although, I will never stop being a mother (sorry, kids), the time I need to spend actually mothering them is beginning to reduce every day. This is why I’m starting this blog.
As I begin the process of empty nesting, it is time for me to rediscover me. As I am sure many moms can attest, you put “you” on the back burner for a long time. It is a sacrifice we make willingly. The window of time to mother your children is relatively small in comparison to your entire life span. I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world – my kids truly are the thing that makes me the most proud. However, through this experience, I am realizing that I have forgotten who Heather is. What does she like? What interests her? What would she still like to do? I imagine that many moms feel the same way when they wake up one day realize this important job of being a mom has suddenly been downsized. And if my personal experience is any indication, none of us at this stage and phase are actually talking about it.
So, this is my personal metamorphosis. This is my place to chronicle what I’m discovering, what I’m exploring, and what I’m learning along the way. I hope to find my humor (God, I really hope I can be funny), share some raw emotion, and inspire other moms going through this transition to continue to “become”. Heck, we still have a whole half of our life left to go. I don’t want to wake up and realize it’s too late or I’m too old to enjoy what’s left. My vision is to make the second half of my life as equally fulfilling as the first.
My husband asked me what I’m hoping to become through this metamorphosis. I guess that’s the million dollar question, but personally, I’m not sure I need the million dollar answer. Does the caterpillar know that one day he will turn into a beautiful butterfly? I doubt it, but he spins the cocoon anyway…unsure of what awaits on the other side. I think the real beauty of the journey is in the discovery and unfolding – not just the end result, so I invite you to come along and join me on this exciting journey. Let’s go make the second half the best half!